i was born a porn star she said
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
