Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Randomize
