your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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