The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
