I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
