She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
