Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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