I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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