There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
