I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
