It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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