He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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