I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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