but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
