He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Your dad touched me again.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize