If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
