The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
