how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize