Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
