omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
