he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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