if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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