I'm jealous of your bromance
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
