He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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