Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
