You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
