your thong is hanging out like whoa
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
