Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
