does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
