I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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