Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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