I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
