On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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