**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
She bit a glass in half.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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