your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
