Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
