I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
