Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
