We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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