he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
