fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
