you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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