I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
