His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize