Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize