i think my mom watched the whole time
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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