he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
