problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
