What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
