His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Randomize
