I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
