i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
