On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I am available for nakedness
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
