Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
