There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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