i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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