so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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