did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
