i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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