Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize