glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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