I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
